@PinkCamoTO: I've had my phone battery die at a family function. Nothing scares me now.
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@ramblinma: Friend: I can’t believe they’re already selling Halloween candy in sto--- Me: *Already in the car, driving to the store*
@trevso_electric: Girls get so turned on when you take charge. Grab her hair and tell her she needs a shampoo with no harsh sulfates and a new lip stain.
@imdaintyaf: Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I'm beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]