@AmericanGent69: I've hated dentists way before they started killing lions.
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@mrtimlong: When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to "make God laugh"? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to "make God some bookshelves."
@JohnFugelsang: Millions stunned and blindsided to learn Tim Allen had been on a network sitcom for like the last six years or something
@funderlaw: Wife is "not angry" that I ate her Pringles..... So, I'll be sleeping with one eye open, like a mob boss.
@EndhooS: Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit.