@AmericanGent69: I've hated dentists way before they started killing lions.
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@DaddyJew: You can literally take anything from anyone as long as you shout "police emergency" and run away
@Robert_Beau: My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger.
@rickolantern: [courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Better late than never! Wife: ... M: Seeing red? W: ... M: Go with the flow! W: ... M: I'll go buy tampons. W: NOW, MISTER FUNNY MAN.