@AmericanGent69: I've hated dentists way before they started killing lions.
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@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
@Slims_Ramblings: First Date: "So, tell me something no one else knows about you." Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single.
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]