@SamGrittner: I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
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@AndyAsAdjective: My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I'm going to have to get rid of her. At least I'll have my cat to comfort me.
@SteveKoehler22: Snapchat is going public in March with a $30 billion IPO. Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps.
@DillDoes: Being a worm must great. Its like "wow that dirt was great I hope there's more" and there always is
@weinerdog4life: The first thing you'll need if you're planning on stealing an ostrich from the zoo is a car with a sunroof