@SamGrittner: I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
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@badbanana: 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.
@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.
@michelleisawolf: This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again.