@mindflakes: I've invented a new kind of waffle maker that makes 300 waffles per minute whether you want it to or not
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@DaddyJew: If you had a choice between owning a dragon or world peace, what would you name your dragon?
@SpokenDamsel: This lady was being so rude to me in the grocery line so rather than say anything to her, I invited everyone behind her to go ahead of me. Today, I had time.
@LoveNLunchmeat: My son just choked on food laughing, and I'm torn between being concerned and marvelling that one of my jokes almost literally killed someone.
@Norsebysw: Somewhere on a windy pasture under this moon there's a barbed wire fence I left more of myself on than I realized.