@mindflakes: I've invented a new kind of waffle maker that makes 300 waffles per minute whether you want it to or not
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@nice_mustard: what if you thought you had met your soul mate but then you saw them put mayonnaise on a hotdog
@iwearaonesie: me: time to apologize. did you eat the receipt? 8: yup me: ok cause if mom finds out we bought these flowers at the grocery store we're dead
@Shock_Monster: If life had a 'CTRL + ALT + DEL' option, you bet your ass I'd be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.