@PaulShakeySharp: Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It's called 'We're poor because of you'.
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@david8hughes: [meeting aboard the ISS space station] Capt: all personnel are-David sit down please Me trying to open a window cos it's stuffy: in a minute
@wesleybordelon: Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1701. Maryland legalized divorce in cases where the wife displeased their clergyman. What kind of kinky cult was that?
@awkwardphilippe: [Jedi Academy] Why do you want to be Jedi? [Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army] To keep the peace