@PaulShakeySharp: Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It's called 'We're poor because of you'.
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@AndyAsAdjective: WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real
@DadandBuried: I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.
@MatCro: "Chest, chest, chest and chest, chest and chest" - T-Rex singing "Head, shoulders, knees and toes".