@JulianLeeComedy: I've just had to reset my password to Delicate Luggage Handler as I was told it had to be case sensitive.
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@amfmpm: dry skin? flaky scalp? discoloration? scaling? tongue bifurcating all by itself? hissing? legs fusing together? recently evicted a gypsy?
@T_Bonezzz: Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway
@thetits: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *hands him a puppy and drives off* [3 years later] COP *walking his dog*: wait a second…
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [housefly pilot training] Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do? X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness? I: Repeatedly! Good.