@ClearlyUnwell: I've just realised that I've got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: HER: you could use some exercise ME: i do pirates on the weekends HER: pilates? ME [hiding eye patch]: uh, yeah sure
@XplodingUnicorn: [church] 1-year-old: *throws a tantrum* Me: This is the worst place for a meltdown. Wife: Nuclear power plants? Me: Second worst place.
@fro_vo: I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I'm... lacktoes intolerant *opens another beer*
@bobvulfov: DOCTOR: im writing u a prescription ME: [winking] nice thanks doc i wont tell anyone DOCTOR: again, this is totally legal ME: shh be cool