@BlACk__ThRoaT: I've known my drug dealer since I was this high.
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@robfee: The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls
@ericsshadow: ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills] SON: I lost a tooth. I'm gonna leave it under my pillow tonight. ME: I'd wait until next week.
@ShaunRightNow: I'll always remember the day my wife said "yes" to my proposal. And I'll never forget that it was the last thing we ever agreed on.
@hippieswordfish: *swallows pride* *reads the label* 'this pride may contain nuts* oh no *swells with pride*