@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
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@maurex23: "I like Trump because he isn't a politician." Right, because whenever my toilet breaks I call my electrician.
@gf3: me: *pretending to know about vegetables to impress the cashier* corm is one of my favorite yellows *gingerly taps banana*
@InternetHippo: ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it
@MartaEffing: I don't understand how wild bears can eat all that salmon without a squeeze of lemon and some sea salt.