@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
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@shadygrenade: Obama: Get Air Force One ready. Biden: OK! *runs off* Obama: The plane, not the movie. *Biden does 360* Biden: Yeah I know.
@captainkalvis: [in bed] me: can i share something without being judged date: um ok sure what is it me: i... i have a foot fetish date: oh that's not that weird i- me: *placing her exactly 12 inches from me* ohhhh yeah that's the stuff
@TheBoydP: If your boss asks you to organize a corporate team building event he does not mean organize a happy hour. I know this now.
@MelvinofYork: I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself.