@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
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@GrillinChillin9: Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Mexican food before wine, no 69.
@HollyMemphis: Friend: "I just blew a speaker in my car." Me: "Which kind?" Friend: "Motivational."
@Sal0630: Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]