@imadepoopstoday: I've learned that you can buy a kitten with no problem, but you have to come back at a different time to buy the juicer.
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@usermcuserface: Manager to waiter: Wait for it.. Wait for it.. (Sees me take a huge bite of food) Go! Go! Go! Waiter: so how is everything today?
@Home_Halfway: CHEF: You're fired ME: Is it cause I call beef patty's "beef patricias?" CHEF: Yes ME: Can I have some Switzerland cheese bef- CHEF: GET OUT
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.