@glu_ben: I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since.
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@causticbob: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
@stephenjmolloy: [Spelling bee] Judge: "Your word is unhelpful." Kid: "Can you use it in a sentence please?" Judge: "Nope."
@AndrewNadeau0: You should absolutely look gift horses in the mouth. Troy literally burned bc they didn’t. I even check regular horses. Can’t be too careful