@glu_ben: I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since.
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@De_ja_vu_who: Deathbed confession Me: We're bankrupt Him: What? How? Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time
@dafloydsta: Covering your ears and screaming "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN" is not appreciated by your coworkers. Apparently.
@yayraptor: [at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building
@ilovepie84: You would be surprised at how many people will run if you yell "ITS A TRAP" and run in a random direction