@OxbloodAbernthy: I've lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth.
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@dave_cactus: ME: Sorry I'm late, I had computer problems. BOSS: Hard drive? ME: Nah, there was no traffic, just the computer problems.
@hazelmotes1: "They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
@2tickytacky: Got my inhaler mixed up with my psychedelic frog and went on one hell of a wheezy ride.