@ericsshadow: I've made 2 terrible decisions in my life and they're both outside throwing rocks at the new neighbors.
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@djdarrellripley: Why do they put Valentines Day candy in a box shaped like a heart? It's kind of like eating ice cream out of a lung...
@AndRyanTF: You ever watch a really stupid person for like 10 mins and wonder how they haven't been hit by a train or carried off by a giant eagle yet?
@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.