@LackOfShame: I've never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
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@HeyZeus666: I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.
@upsidedowntrash: ME: [outlining corpse] I need other chalk CHIEF: Just use white M: Permission to speak freely C: Go on M: How can I draw the hair w/o yellow
@Vodkantots: When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
@dulcetry: One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said "friggity diggity" please do not rt