@LackOfShame: I've never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
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@AristotlesNZ: Hi. We noticed you Googled "How do I keep IT from seeing my browser history" yesterday at 3:21pm. How'd that work out for you?
@AmishPornStar1: Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth.
@Marlebean: I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don't you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!