@BobbleheadMagy: I've never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
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@jenyb4: Cw: you have a call holding M: put it in my voicemail Cw: he has a sexy Australian accent M: hiiii this is Jennifer
@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips
@gurl_sour: Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
@Moldy_Jellybean: My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.