@HeatherLuvsYou: I've never considered myself a social butterfly. More like a social wasp. People run away a lot.
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@JohnHilsen: OK it's like sure, I've MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It's not like I'm a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially.
@squirrel74wkgn: [dinner w/friends] "How long you two been married?" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.
@SirEviscerate: *accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus* ... *makes distant thunder noises with mouth*
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.