@lakeanagirl: I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@MattMcElaney: Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters.
@bridger_w: "Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?" -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead