@lakeanagirl: I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.
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@SirEviscerate: HER: (touching my chest) What a fascinating tattoo... ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
@KimmyMonte: Don't tell me I can hear the ocean if I put a shell up to my ear. If he has something to say to me SAY IT TO MY FACE U PIECE OF SHIT WATER
@gwatts77: If you steal my identity and get a credit card I'll be impressed. Not because you stole my identity, but because you got approved. Kudos!
@JustDontBugMe: Her: Those ants are working so hard. Me: We could learn from them. Ant1: Humans are staring. Ant2: Yes, they'll spray some shit on us. Run!