@lakeanagirl: I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.
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@GrantTanaka: wife: maybe you should start working out again me: [literally sweating from trying to open a can of pringles] why
@Bandersnaaatch: Hell hath no fury like this woman attempting to type "scorned" and having it autocorrected to "scrotum" 13 times in a row.
@IAmKashWah: Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice.