@lakeanagirl: I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: 50 years ago, nerds were smart. Now a nerd is just someone who likes Star Wars and eats a lot of cereal.
@One_FineMess: A cig takes 7 minutes off your life A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life According to my calculations I should have died in 1812