@JohnLyonTweets: I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
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@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
@designersays: If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh god what have I done. It's SET THEM FREE isn't it? Sorry burning loved one.
@dank_dino: *judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*
@elvisknievil: My plan to reduce shark attacks. Get them hooked on meth. Getting gummed by a toothless shark probably tickles.