@CulturedRuffian: I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about to close.
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@bigdumbbrad: I only put one eye on my snowman. That way, if it ever comes to life, the lack of depth perception will give me a tactical advantage.
@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.
@_NinJar: *wakes up in hospital* What happened? "It was a heart attack" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* "No"
@iGreenMonk: "Hey. Can I call you back? I'm in a middle of something." "You said that a week ago." "Ya. I'm still working on it."