@dumbbeezie: I’ve never texted someone to let them know I made it home safe. Shoulda come with me if you wanted details
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@ericsshadow: [talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks.
@SortaBad: I have a friend who doesn't drink coffee, so to stay alert at work he gets a healthy amount of sleep each night. What a loser
@DirtMcTurd: If you give me a hard time about being out of shape I will bury you in a shallow grave. A very, very, shallow grave