@Renie_Rivas: I've never wanted a mansion. Not because I'm modest- I just don't need more places to lose my keys.
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@ianduhig: "I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"
@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
@PS_IRuddYou: Just drove past a new typewriter repair shop... That's not a front for anything illegal I'm sure...
@1Happytwit: Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine.