@Renie_Rivas: I've never wanted a mansion. Not because I'm modest- I just don't need more places to lose my keys.
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@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.
@robwhisman: reminder: the best way to say benedict cumberbatch is to the tune of photograph by nickelback
@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.
@NikiWithIssues: Stretching and yawning at the same time might not look so sexy but it looks like you're a Pokemon evolving so that's cool.