@thegrugq: I've now had my account locked and been forced to change my password so many times it is up to: password1234567
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@djdarrellripley: My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..
@Michael1979: Pros of hiring me as a vet: - Hard-working - Experienced - Reasonable prices Cons: - Have been dubbed "The Horse Murderer" by the press
@TechnicallyRon: Remember at school when you would press 'demo' on the electric piano and pretend you were really playing it? That's what adulthood is.
@truegritrumble: WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*