@BuckyIsotope: I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
@PaperWash: cashier: whoa 58 boxes of Mac and Cheese, having a party tonight? me: Cashier: me: Cashier: me: sure
@Spaziotwat: [Hospital] Doctor:"...and so the baby is fine." Me:"And my wife?" Doc:"I'm afraid she's critical" Me:"I know! But how is she?"
@briancthayer: Dear microwave companies, Why make us select "cook" at all? Does my appliance have a calculator function or something? Sincerely, Everyone