@MrFornicator: I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
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@myonlymizztake: When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue.
@myonlymizztake: My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips.
@CulturedRuffian: Her: I like long walks on the beach. Me: Is there WiFi? Her: Where? Me: The beach. Her: What?...No. Me: We should see other people.