@rachiecandice: I've reached the point in my life where I'm ready for a life partner. But I'd probably be just as content with a cheeseburger.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: you didn't use my shampoo again did you? ME: *shakes my head no but my lustrous hair gives me away*
@FatherWithTwins: Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn't get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
@seamussaid: I may toss the cat into my teen's room when he snoozes his alarm if he fails to check his pillow for catnip before bed that's his own fault