@rachiecandice: I've reached the point in my life where I'm ready for a life partner. But I'd probably be just as content with a cheeseburger.
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@DanMentos: [Penn and Teller getting a loan for their comedy act] "Ok all you guys need is a name" *they look around bank for ideas*
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. "YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?" Brain: Magical!
@Jebo_te_patak: You say tomato, I say that's a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you're all "tomato." You can leave.
@sammyj_04: What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind.