@rachiecandice: I've reached the point in my life where I'm ready for a life partner. But I'd probably be just as content with a cheeseburger.
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@all_about_today: Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I'm 38 it just sounds exhausting.
@SomeChrisTweets: When someone ends a sentence with "af" they were hastily trying to type "A FALCON DESCENDS UPON ME" but could not make it in time.
@cambuslad: Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets seem to be facing the same way.
@AimeeHelene1: *picks out all the marshmallows from your Lucky Charms* *replaces them with Flintstones vitamins* You looked a little sickly.