@C_J_Commode: I've reached the point of laziness where even laying around has become too much for me to handle.
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@shatterpants: When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers.
@Rollmaninoz: *Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I’m literally running down the street pretending to be a car?
@Cheeseboy22: I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, "I like your haircut", I can respond with, "Thanks. Here, have some."
@EndhooS: "Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..." I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile.