@PhoenixRises69: I've removed swim with dolphins from my bucket list. Mainly cos I can't swim and drowning with dolphins doesn't have quite the same appeal.
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@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed. Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
@transaParent: I just taped the TV remote to my dogs back so I'll never lose it again. Your move Apple.