@gorrdano: I've replaced my friends insulin with heroin. This is the most expensive prank I've ever done but it's ok, I'll rob him when he's dead.
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@juicymorsel: I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
@robotrowboat: [death row] Okay Johnson, it’s time. Any last requests? Pardon me? I said it’s time, any last—ah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one
@gengen874: OMG, he's almost here. How's my hair? My clothes? How do I look? (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.
@AGreaterMonster: As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty.