@PeachCoffin: I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don't call it Liam then what is even the point of you
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@joerogan: There's an age where being drunk becomes pathetic but if you hang in there somewhere around 70 it becomes cool again.
@amydillon: Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in. "What is this? It tastes like hair," said one ungrateful child.
@hardlyrelevant: [I time travel to 1998] Guy: This is the first showing of Mulan, how does that dude in the front row already know the words to all the songs