@mattZillaaaa: I've seen such a change in myself this past year. I've really grown a lot. I need bigger pants
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@Playing_Dad: [@ Sunbeam Bread factory job interview] Boss: Your resume says you are "definitely not 3 ducks in a suit." 3 Ducks In A Suit: That's correct
@ComedicBust: DETECTIVE: What’s wrong, never seen a dead body before? ME: [biting nails] No sir. DETECTIVE: Well biting its nails isn’t going to help.
@BeardedSteel: *stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts