@Lerky: I've slept with enough babysitters to know how to raise a kid thanks mom
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@saucy_peaches: Why are you so pissed? You asked me what turns me on and all I said was you not talking...
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"
@CheeseCasket: Pharmacist: Don't take this while driving and make sure you eat- *crushes pill and snorts off the counter* "Ok"
@ClichedOut: *opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what's with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?