@Breadery: I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.
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@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
@GensPlace: I'm not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I'd like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..
@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.