@Breadery: I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.
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@Kyle_Raney: DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.
@Kobykincaid: One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.