@pizzajaynow: I've spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law's killer, but no one is willing to do it.
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@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
@crunchenhanced: Has anyone else noticed that since the invention of the smart phone, bathroom stall graffiti was moved to Twitter?
@Juststopkate: Some days I feel like my life is going super well, & then I get my hair caught in my umbrella. And also my car door.
@ColoChiver: If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned "elemenopee" wasn't one awesome letter.