@SwedishCanary: I've spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the Pokémon GO app so it may just be that I need my new meds adjusted.
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@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
@jwoodham: VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner.
@ruinedpicnic: [please enter a password] ilovedogs [password must contain at least one capital] iloveparisdogs