@1followernodad: I've started replacing "yes" with "sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."
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@longwall26: The Lord alone--not science--will determine how many chickens can fit inside my motorcycle sidecar.
@RdrJay47: Drive Thru Clerk: Wow, you smell good. What are you wearing? Me: [hiding fries from the other drive thru] You wouldn't know, it's french.
@dorsalstream: [while hiking I slip off the edge of a cliff but bend into a boomerang shape and fly precisely back up to my original spot and continue hiking]
@psybermonkey: Me (standing in front of mirror): bloody mary, bloody mary, bloody mary Cop on other side: what is he doing