@1followernodad: I've started replacing "yes" with "sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."
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@SondraDeeMe: PMS: I'm sorry. ME: Why? It's a good day. PMS: Wait for it. ME: [2 secs later] DID MY PARENTS REALLY TAKE MY DOG TO A FARM WHEN I WAS 5?!
@Dutch_50: Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.
@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.