@darksidedeb: I've started slipping an occasional "meow" into everyday conversations with people to see if they're really listening meow to me.
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@ArfMeasures: ME (working in a bank): Ugh I am so tired today ROBBER: EVERYONE ON THE GROUND & DO NOT MOVE ME [blowing up neck pillow] I could kiss you
@UncleDuke1969: A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. "WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"
@Emperor_Laykes: One advantage of being a woman is no one can surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom.
@carlyken: Translator: We changed the Bible verses forbidding happy marriage to say gay marriage. King James: Same thing, what could possibly go wrong?