@darksidedeb: I've started slipping an occasional "meow" into everyday conversations with people to see if they're really listening meow to me.
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@RowdyBowden: We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were "Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!"
@Schmoodles: It's easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account.
@No_Job_Joe: My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on.