@Fuzzylogic2009: I've stolen so much stuff from work that some of my colleagues now have to work at my house
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@WilliamAder: Friend at Memorial Day BBQ: I see you wasted no time with the white pants. Me: These are my legs.
@eminmien: My teachers always told me drugs were never the answer, but they also told me Pluto was a planet, so now I don't know what to think.