@Brianhopecomedy: I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby.
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@BamDebikins: Yes, mother, I have gained weight. No, it was not appropriate to point it out by pinching my muffin top in front of thirty people.
@lazerdoov: Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog
@thenatewolf: *Shoves a guy* I think you mean the SECOND biggest "The Sound of Music" fan on earth, bro.