@SortaBad: I've upped my game so now instead of buying women at the bar drinks I buy them a pony
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rocket_roy: [Lizard Enterprises HQ] Lizard Boss: Um excuse me, do you work here? Snake balancing on 4 toothpicks (nervously): Uh yessir why do you ask?
@notfaizzy: ...her name was April, and her only son went on to become a comedian but everyone just called him: April's fool.
@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.