@Stevie_Talk: I've used my wife's conditioner even though she told me more than once not to. Because I'm a rebel. A rebel with coconut dream hair.
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@KenJennings: Shout out to whoever invented Braille! Maybe nobody remembers your name but you came up with a pretty dope way for blind people to read
@ilovepie84: When I smell weed coming from my neighbors house I call him pretending I'm the Mexican Cartel, and accuse him of stealing my drugs.
@Sickayduh: Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?
@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.