@TheBoydP: I’ve watched Dancing With The Stars with my wife all season and she just asked who I think should win. Quick! Someone tell me who’s on it!
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@chrislockefun: Clark Kent: Only kryptonite can kill me. Perry: What do you mean? Can't regular things kill you? Clark: Oh shit. Which guy am I right now!?
@JasonLastname: Being hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food isn't about the food being Chinese, it's about you being American.
@Snarfernini: He: How are you? Me: Thanks, but I'm too old for you He: I was going to ask about your wireless prov... Me: Just keep telling yourself that