@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
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@TheCatWhisprer: *wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*
@LePetitOiseau_L: I just yelled "ACKNOWLEDGE MEEE!" at the automatic sensor in the sink faucet if anyone is wondering how stable I am today.
@yourpencilskirt: No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
@Westoff123: Waking on campus and some girl said, "I like you a lot." And I turned around and said thank you and realized she talking to the guy with her