@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
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@WildeThingy: I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in.
@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?
@AlexvanBeek: I would've thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited 'til it was dark instead.