@Stella1070: I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds.
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@Underchilde: Success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you’re not at your desk.
@Caissie: Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat.
@hippieswordfish: In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man
@flashember: DOG: [running in circles trying to catch his own tail] SON OF A DOG'S PREGNANT WIFE: *looks up from knitting* Son of a what, David? Say it