@Stella1070: I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds.
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@Landon8426: Chess with Australians must get so confusing. "Check, mate." "Naw mate, that's just a check." "That's what I said. Check, mate"
@ArfMeasures: "We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes" CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan
@WilliamRodgers: Always be yourself... Unless you run into one of your exes... Then... Be a WAY more successful version of yourself...
@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do