@Stella1070: I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds.
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@briangaar: "Congratulations, the baby's got green overalls!" Peach sobs. Mario flies into a rage.
@OldUncleDaveO: I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson.
@envydatropic: I will never have to admit to a mistake at work when I can blame the last person who quit
@WhiteFolkProbs: Ordered a honey bee kit off Amazon. Can’t wait to tell my co-workers all the benefits of honey that I Googled right before telling them.