@OkieGirl405: I've yet to find the village where people help you raise your kids
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@kentgrossarth: 'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
@bazlyons: [strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: "dude they meant the top half" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]
@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.