@OkieGirl405: I've yet to find the village where people help you raise your kids
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@JediGigi: To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around.
@Anon_imosity: [walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads.
@DaddyJew: Daddy can u get me a drink? "No, you're 5yo you can get your own drink" Fine *goes to fridge "While you're there can you grab me a beer?"