@UNTRESOR: J.R.R. Tolkien's full name is Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien.
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@PaperWash: [Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU "Uh oh" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 "Haha nice!"
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.