@TylerLinkin: Jack LaLanne died two years ago and he's still in better shape than I am.
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@ddsmidt: A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook
@AndyAsAdjective: COWORKER: big weekend plans? ME: fulfilling the blood prophecy…you? CW: what? M: what? CW: did you say- M: neighborhood barbecue, yes
@3sunzzz: Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?
@iGreenMonk: No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.