@TylerLinkin: Jack LaLanne died two years ago and he's still in better shape than I am.
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@leyawn: a rock fell out my pocket and i crouched down to find it and a bunch of people helped like i lost a contact. had to pretend it wasn't a rock
@canadian_jane: If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer.
@pseudo_fred: This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses INSIDE of the cars, at least?
@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.