@RatchetAfrican: Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not...
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@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.
@JarodNotJared: Its the little things that bring the most joy - Like sneaking a home pregnancy test in the shopping cart of a mom/daughter combo & observing
@ArfMeasures: SON: What's a sex tape? ME: Er well when er a man & a woman have er intercourse they S: No M: No? S: Dad. I know what sex is. What's a tape?
@neiltyson: There’s just no way around this one: YOU MATTER, unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then YOU ENERGY.