@archerenemy: Jackpot is like regular pot, but with a questionable added ingredient...
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@hrtbps: "I have parrot-like reflexes." "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"
@OutOfLeftField_: Suddenly had the urge to lay on the floor and do stomach crunches. Then I found some bubble wrap and that urge went away.
@KateWhineHall: Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.
@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?