@archerenemy: Jackpot is like regular pot, but with a questionable added ingredient...
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@Mr_Kapowski: Even if you're single, always blame a declined credit card on your fictional spouse at the register.
@_The_Man__: Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?
@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.