@thenatewolf: Jail isn't supposed to be fun why do they get bunk beds?
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@WalkingOutside: I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I'm ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
@RocketRankoon: [5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator] Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine
@Travon: Flight attendant: "will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?" Me: "yes" In my head: "No we're all gonna die"