@JonasPolsky: James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying.
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@squirrel74wkgn: A haunted house would be pretty scary if it was filled with light switches that accidentally turned on the garbage disposal.
@Be___Dope: Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone's is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside
@WheelTod: [First Date] Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before." *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor
@hippieswordfish: *swallows pride* *reads the label* 'this pride may contain nuts* oh no *swells with pride*